Pictures don’t lie y’all August 4, 2009

Oh crud. I make it a point to only have my picture taken when I look my absolute best and usually from the neck up. Yes, I’ve lost a lot of weight, but some recent pictures have made me realize that I still have a ways to go before reality catches up to my perception.  Oh, I think I should add that these photos came from my recent high school reunion.

Exhibit A

notice how my backside goes on and on...

Exhibit B

notice the rounded back, flabby arms, and poochy tummy

 

And finally Exhibit C

Look how far south the "girls" are hanging! That's pitiful!

 

So you might thinking, “well these pics don’t look so bad!” and you are right, they don’t. The thing that bothers me is that in my mirror (and in my head) I am two sizes smaller than this!  Seriously y’all, is there an opposite of anorexia?  Cause when I look in the mirror in the mornings, I’m thinking “how could I possibly get any smaller? I’m pretty smokin right now as it is!”  But seeing these pictures reminds me of my mom – my soft, rounded, 70 year old mother, which would be fine except that I’M NOT EVEN 40 YET!!!!! 

 

*sigh*

 

So I suppose I will keep plugging away with the cardio, but I’m also adding in some strength training and I am fo shizzle going to work on my posture (and I am upping my calcium intake because I see the first signs of osteoporosis in my rounded upper back).  Also I do believe a proper bra fitting is in order as well.  Gotta get those girls back up where they belong!

Okay, well I just needed to share that little freak out with all of you.  Thanks for listening.  Have a good day! 

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a blog July 10, 2009

I’ve been re-reading some of my old posts and it hit me today, just how far I have come. I’ve been writing this blog for almost two years now, and wow – my thinking has shifted more than I realized. I originally started this blog for accountability and for a place to just get stuff out of my head; little did I know it would transform me into a different, better person. The physical change has not been so drastic, but what’s going on inside is dramatically different.

Here’s a brief snap shot of how Jill’07 thought:

• I hate to sweat

• Exercise is torture

• I don’t want to give up my junk food

• I’m such a failure because I can’t lose 5 pounds

• I’m so fat

• I want what I want when I want it (which is right now, btw)

• I’m lonely

• I have no self esteem

• My life generally sucks

Yeah, she was real fun person to be around!! The changes have been gradual and I hadn’t even really realized some of them until I started reading the old posts and thinking about it, but here’s what Jill’09 thinks now:

• I love to get a good sweat on

• My favorite time of day is when I can put on the mp3 player and zone out on my elliptical

• I’m snacking on grape tomatoes and cantaloupe and I love it!

• Too much junk food makes me ill.

• If I haven’t lost 5 pounds, it’s because what I’m currently doing isn’t working for me – NOT because I am a failure at anything.

• I’m curvy and I hold a lot of my weight in my lower half – I say that not as a criticism, it’s just a fact and no matter how thin I get, that’s how it’s always going to be. That’s how God made me and I’m fine with that.

• I still want what I want when I want it, but I know that if I keep working hard; eventually “it” will come to me (whatever it may be).

• I have a bunch of blog friends, and I’m making more friends IRL as well. If I’m feeling lonely it’s because I haven’t reached out and made the effort.

• I have waaaayyyy more self esteem and confidence now than I’ve had for the last 12 years, and weight loss has contributed only a small part to that.

• My life is actually pretty okay. God has blessed me way more than I deserve.

I’m glad I did a little reflecting today because it let me know that the small gradual changes can make a huge difference, and I’m also encouraged by the changes I have yet to make. If I keep blogging and reading your blogs and learning more about health and fitness, the changes will keep coming and they’ll be changes for the better I’m sure.

I’d like to keep going and analyze the route of my journey, but alas, I’m running out of time today to delve that deeply. I’ll have to save that for another day. I hope that as you go about your day, you’ll think about all the positive changes you have made and give yourselves a pat on the back. Celebrate yourself and the positive changes!

Happy Weekend ya’ll!

Mirror Mirror on the wall June 16, 2009

 

If all the mirrors in the world were suddenly to break, if we could no longer look at ourselves in reflected surfaces, if  vanity were taken out of the equation, would you still work out and try to lose weight?

Think about that for a minute…I’ll wait.

 

Would I worry about my weight if I had no idea what I looked like? I don’t know. How much does vanity play a part in my desire to be fit and healthy? A lot, I’m afraid. More than I’d like to admit, really, but it’s the truth.

I read an article on Today’s Christian Woman called “The Year I Became a Total Hottie”. The article was about a 50-ish woman who lost a bunch of weight and suddenly she was getting all kinds of attention, and she readily admits it went to her head. She was in love with herself – the image in the mirror in front of her and all the trappings it brings with it. The focus of her article was pride and how it can take over and before you know it you’ve turned into Narcissus, pining away for your own reflection. Sometimes when you look in a mirror, you don’t notice certain things, but sometimes you look and see the whole ugly truth: this article was a mirror for me and I cringed at what the author wrote because it looked so familiar.

Last summer I got down to 152 pounds – the lowest weight I had been in years. Planning for my 20 year high school reunion was also just starting and I was so excited that I could be going as a thin woman. I wouldn’t have to worry that people would be judging me, whispering to each other, “Wow she got FAT!” I wanted to show my old high school boyfriends what they had missed out on by breaking up with me (not that I ever wanted to marry any of them). I wanted to be the Belle of the Ball and have everyone gush over how good I looked. Sad, but true – that was my main reason for wanting to go.

I gained a little weight back, but I’m happy to say that I am losing weight again, and I’ll probably (hopefully) be back down to the 150s by the time the reunion rolls around at the end of July, but now I am trying to decide if I really want to go or not.* If I take vanity and ego out of the equation, what other reasons do I have for wanting to spend the time and money to go? Suddenly, my original reason for wanting to go seems pathetic and selfish, and I really don’t want to be THAT person at the reunion – you know the one I’m talking about, I’m sure.

So, aside from the reunion, this article got me to thinking, “is vanity an okay reason for wanting to lose weight?” I think partly, yes, it is okay. Speaking as a married woman, it is a well known fact that men are visual creatures, and right or wrong, most men like their women at a healthy weight (I don’t for one minute believe that men want their women to look like rail thin supermodels – just ask the men in your life who they prefer: Kate Moss or Kate Winslet?) So of course I want to do what I can to keep my husband interested, and getting to a trim weight is just one of many things I can do (cooking a meal that doesn’t taste like sawdust is next on my list). I want his eyes on me, not the hot neighbor next door. (And just for the record, there is so much more to keeping a marriage interesting than just how we look, but for the purposes of this post, I focused on this one tiny aspect, k?)

What would happen though if we did take vanity out of it? Even if I could never visually see the results of my weight loss efforts, I’m pretty sure I could feel them. I think I would notice the increased energy, and the ease of movement, the improvement in my mood. And then there are the health aspects of it: lowered cholesterol, lowered rates of cancer, lowered rates of just about every disease versus that of overweight people. Longevity of life and being able to be active during that longevity are things I would appreciate also.

So, while I think it’s perfectly fine to like what you see in the mirror, don’t let it become your sole reason for losing weight. To be quite honest, I’m still struggling with this. It’s hard to shift my thinking, but vanity and ego really won’t get me very far and I want to go all the way with this.

 

*more on this in my next post! Ooooh, a teaser!

The Garden Knome Knows May 26, 2009

How To Burn 4.3 Million Calories in 4 Short Hours

Step 1)  Plant a garden.

The End.

Hey – did you like how I complained about how bloggers aren’t blogging much these days and then I disappear for several days myself?!  I know, I’m a hypocrite, but I’m back for just a minute to say hi!

I had a great weekend and will blog about it later but right now I am super swamped at work, so unfortunately I can’t stay and play.        I will try my hardest to  post tonight about my New Garden Workout – it’s a killer!

 

ETA: I can’t believe no one called me out on the misspelling of the word in the title. I have no idea why I spelled it with a K. I’m really not an idiot. I promise.

Somebody stop me April 1, 2009

Next time I start out saying, “I’ve been doing really well with xyz…” somebody stop me, because that is a surefire way of xyz coming to a screeching halt. Remember how I said exercise has been consistent? Well apparently Consistent Week ended on Saturday because I have not done one minute of any kind of workout whatsoever. Sunday I was just plain lazy, Monday I had good intentions but never got around to it, and yesterday I bought groceries after work and by the time I got home, unloaded and put away the groceries, cooked dinner, I had missed my window of workout opportunity. Tonight is church, so no work out tonight either. I am going to have to really jam Thursday through Saturday.

On the upside though, I did not buy any junk food at the store yesterday. I bought lots of fruits and veggies and stuff for dinners, but no sweets. Usually I’ll buy junk because the hubs and kids complain if there isn’t anything to “snack” on, but I figure if they want a snack, they can eat fruit or air popped popcorn or something like that. In other words, they’re just going to have to deal with it, and so am I. I was fine until after dinner (tacos, yum) when suddenly I needed a little “something”. I always want a little “something” after dinner and usually that something is something sweet. That’s when I regretted not buying any sweets at the grocery store, so I scrounged around and found the last two striped shortbread cookies that I had bought about a week ago. I ate them quickly and then cursed myself for doing it. It’s a habit that is going to be hard to kill, but maybe I can put it in a coma for awhile.

I have a running question: how do you deal with the wind? It has been super windy here the last few weeks and when it’s windy like this, I don’t want to run. But living in Oklahoma (where the WIND comes sweeping down the plain), this is something I’m going to have to learn to deal with if I want to be a runner.

Oh! I had an Aha moment yesterday: I need to do something about my PMS.

(Insert crickets chirping here)

What? You’re not shocked that I made this realization?

I know what you are thinking, “Well duh Jill! You only complain about it every month!” But really, it has gone from being mildly annoying to causing actual conflict in my life. When I am PMSing, it usually comes in the form of burning, seething, rage. My whole body feels like a clenched fist and suddenly everyone is an effing moron and if someone looks at me funny, they should be prepared to face my wrath. I snap at the kids for no reason and the hubs and I have had terrible fights the last three months during that time. My job and everything about it gets on my nerves – so much so that I consider walking out. It’s becoming a problem and I need to do something about it.

This article from WebMD is a good place to start I think. A short internet search of several articles led me to the same conclusion: exercise and diet can help alleviate a lot of PMS symptoms. The WebMd article says to eliminate my four favorite things: caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, and salt. I’m not a big drinker, but PMS time seems to be the perfect time for a glass of wine! And we all know how much of the other stuff I consume: a lot. But I can’t keep continuing to turn into a Nazi every month or else I may find myself divorced and unemployed, so I’m going to give this a shot. The article also says to take calcium and vitamin B6 supplements, so I may give that a try too. I need to take calcium anyway, but adding the B6 is something I hadn’t thought about. Guess I’ll be making a trip to Walgreen’s this afternoon.

Hmmmm…just had a thought: the worse my eating has gotten over the last 3 months, the more weight I have gained and the worse my PMS has gotten. Coincidence? Something tells me, no.

ETA:  I think I need to clarify my running question.  When I say “wind”, I actually mean wind, not gas.  Somebody first thought I was asking about passing gas while running. Um, no. That’s not what I meant.  I mean do you still run when the wind is blowing 20 mph or do you just scrap your run for the day?

Square One March 27, 2009

This has been a crazy busy week and I’m so glad it’s almost over. I’m really looking forward to waking up late tomorrow and watching the snow fall – yeah, we’re supposed to get snow! Winter’s a stubborn little kid who just has to get the last word in.

Not a lot happening here. I’ve been working out fairly consistently – putting my running shoes and my elliptical to good use, but my food has been awful. The last year might as well have never existed because I have fallen smack dab in the middle of my old ways. I’m eating crap that 6 months ago I would never have considered eating, ie the corndogs we had for dinner last night. I should have my Mother of the Year card revoked because I fed my family corn dogs and mac and cheese for dinner with nary a veggie in sight. Can you get much crappier than that? I don’t think so. It’s getting close to payday which means the kitchen pantry is at code yellow – not a whole lot to choose from in there. But really that’s just an excuse: I’ve been really lazy about my food. It’s so hard to get back on track when you dive head first off the wagon. I’m still thinking about South Beach again, but then I think I just need to watch my calories, but I don’t want to fill my 1500 cals with brownies and ice cream. I’m going to start my loggin my food into FitDay (again) and see if that doesn’t open my eyes a little bit.

I really think that if I could learn to live without sugar, I’d be golden. But the thought of giving up sugar sends me into a near panic. I’m serious – whenever I read literature about giving up sugar entirely I can feel the anxiety rising in my chest and my pulse quickens. Cutting out sugar and sweets and junk food is almost a foreign concept to me – I can’t quite wrap my brain around it, and I’m not sure I really want to. This sounds weird to say, but I feel like sugar is part of my identity. Being a sugar-holic is a big part of who I am. Other people may not see it, but I know it. Sweets bring me more joy than I would care to admit. Isn’t that sad?

I feel like I am back at square one. I hate starting over.

*Today’s little ray of sunshine of a post brought to you by the letters P,M, and S.

Thanks March 23, 2009

Hey ya’ll.Thanks so much for all of your hugs and condolences. I really do appreciate each and every one of you. I’m doing much better – just needed a break from the blog for a few days.

Not much has been going on. I started C25k again yesterday. I finally found a podcast that would work with my mp3 player (most of the others wouldn’t work, don’t know why) and it makes it soooooo much easier. Hopefully I’ll be able to stick with it this time. I’ve never gotten past Week 4, so we’ll see what happens.

I’ve decided that I am a maintaining machine. I can maintain the same weight for weeks. Now, if I could just lose these last 20, I’ll be golden, hence the C25k. Since the weather has warmed up a bit, I’m more motivated to get outside and move. I even spent some time weeding the flower bed yesterday after my run.

Completely off subject – why do they call it “weeding”? Shouldn’t it be deweeding? Weeding makes it sound like you are putting weeds in, not taking them out. Just something I’ve always wondered…

Anyway, Debby has mentioned the book 100 Day of Weight Loss by Linda Spangler, which I have, but I also have one of hers called Life is Hard, Food is Easy and I happened to flip to a page that suggests you take a look at what has worked for you in the past and try doing that again. Last summer when I lost 33 pounds, I was walking 30 minutes everyday, eating lots of protein, and eating smaller portions of everything else. I was also taking app suppressants, but I really and truly feel that the exercise and diet is what led me to the weight loss. The only thing I’m not doing is weighing in in front of the Nurse Nazi – and let me tell you that was a BIG motivator to eat well and work out regularly. I need to find some way to have that kind of pressure, because honestly, I do my best work when I’m under pressure. Not sure how I’m going to come up with something like that, but I know it was a big part of my success.

Okay well that’s all I can think of for now. Have a great Monday!

The Awful Truth March 3, 2009

The awful truth is that I have gained 10 pounds since December. My lowest weight of 153 was reached in October and I stayed there for 2 months until Christmas. The Christmas Carnage of Holiday Treats began and didn’t end until February 15th. At first I thought, “It’s okay, I’ll get this weight off in no time.” Well, “no time” has come and gone and I’m left with 10 extra pounds. This weight of 163 is no stranger to me. It’s the weight I lived at for years, YEARS people, until I jacked it up during my Intuitive Eating phase (jacked it all the way up to 186). This is the weight that I swore I would never go back to ever again EVER because my new weight of 153 was so wonderful and full of happy times!!! Sigh. But here I am again at this all too familiar weight. The weight that makes me look like frumpy-dumpy-mom, and leaves me tired and sluggish. I hate, nay…loathe this weight and all its implications. This weight implies that I am back to my old ways and eating habits – and the implications are unfortunately true.I must confess that right now my judgement is clouded by PMS, so anything I say here could change drastically on Thursday when Aunt Flo arrives. Just so ya know…

Anyway, when I saw that 163 was determined to stay, I looked wistfully at the numbers to the left of the needle. Those are the numbers I fell in love with. Oh 153, how good you made me feel!! I was confident and energetic and my size 12s fit perfectly! I want to go back to left side of the needle!!! I want the 150’s to be my home again!!

I’m heading west…west of the needle that is. I’m going to do it by eating no more than 1800 cals per day and exercising no less than 4 days per week. I’ll log my food into FitDay and work out on the elliptical or by running as often as I can. I’ll get back to my former glory some how, some way.

And speaking of running, I have signed up to run the K9K race in 3 weeks with my friend Sherrill. We ran a 5k together many many years ago and decided we needed to do it again, so we chose this one because we know the course and plus it’s really just an excuse for us to get together and chat! Not that we’ll be able to chat above all the huffing and puffing, but afterward we’ll have plenty of time to catch up. I’m excited and nervous all at the same time. I know I won’t be able to run the whole thing, heck I probably won’t be able to run even half of it, but that’s okay. Maybe this is what I need to kick it in gear and lose the rest of this weight (and keep it off).

I’m still reading blogs, just not commenting so much lately because my time is so limited. I’m still cheering you all on and hopefully things will even out soon so I can have more time to blog. This work thing is really getting in the way of my hobbies!

Take care, ya’ll.

Blog Tour: The Baby Fat Diet January 22, 2009

Hey gang! 

 

I discovered a great little book last week (and when I say discovered, I mean I was asked by the very nice Tina of BlogTourSpot to read it) and I wanted to share it with you all because most of the people who read my blog are very interested in not only losing weight, but in finding a balance in our busy lives.  The book is called The Baby Fat Diet and the authors are Monica Bearden and Shara Aaron, both of whom are registered dieticians and busy moms.  They have put together an easy to read guide on balancing a healthy lifestyle with the crazy, ever-changing, always demanding lifestyle of a mom.  But here’s what I discovered:  this book is great for anyone who wants to learn how to eat a balanced diet and fit exercise into their life. 

I will admit that I didn’t have any expectations of this book before I read it.  I thought, “What are they going to tell me that I haven’t already heard eleventy million times before?”  But just looking through the table of contents, I found myself saying, “Oh, I’ve been wondering about that” and “Oooh that should be a good chapter”.   The chapters cover things like vitamins and supplements, organic foods, who to believe when it comes to nutritional studies, avoiding fad diets, eating at night, and getting your family in on the healthy action.  There are 35 chapters in this book and most of them are about 5 pages long, so you can pick a chapter and read it in just a few minutes, because let’s face it, that’s about all the time moms have to read anything!  The authors (hereafter refered to as the BFG’s – Baby Fat Girls) designed this book so that the reader can make small changes at a time, a big lifestyle overhaul is not necessary and I, for one, appreciate that aspect of it. 

I think what I liked most about this book is that the BFGs answered a lot of my general questions about health and nutrition.   They answered questions about omega 3’s, how to read a nutrition label,  which nuts are the best to include in a healthy diet (all of them!), and what to eat when it’s 9pm and the cravings won’t go away.  It’s a simple, straightforward guide to help you sort through the confusion about what eating a healthy balanced diet really means. 

But like I said before, don’t let the title fool you – even if  your babies haven’t been babies for years or if you’ve never had kids, this is still a very handy resource to have around and definitely worth the time it takes to read – which isn’t very long at all unless you are like me and have to do your reading in short segments during your “alone time” in the bathroom. 

The BFGs also have a great website and a blog (we all love a good blog, don’t we?!) that I have found to be interesting and funny.  These are real women, real moms who are in the trenches with the rest of us, fighting the battle for healthier bodies.  Go check out the website and tell them The Sassy Pear sent you!

Here’s where you can find the website:  http://babyfatdiet.com

Here’s where you can find the blog:  http://babyfatdiet.com/blog

Here’s where you can buy the book:  http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1592577970

And here’s a list of other stops on the blog tour:  http://www.blogtourspot.com/babyfatdiet/babyfatdiet-blog-tour-stops/

 

HERE’S THE BEST PART!!!  If you are still reading, then you deserve a prize!  One lucky commenter will receive a free copy of The Baby Fat Diet of their very own.  How cool is that?!  So leave a comment on this post by midnight January 25th (that’s Sunday) and the winner will be announced January 26th, and no I’m not giving away my copy – I’ve already made too many notes and dog-eared too many pages to give mine away.  The give-away copy will be shiny and new,  okay?!

Focus, Jill, Focus! December 30, 2008

I am eating the biggest, sweetest, juiciest orange right now – yum! (That has nothing to do with today’s topic, but a good sweet orange is one small thing that makes me really happy!)So much to blog about but having trouble getting my thoughts in order, which incidentally is what I want to blog about: Focus, or lack thereof.

I don’t remember why the thought popped into my head, but I just remember thinking a couple of days ago, “I’ve been so focused on Christmas and all it’s preparations that I have let everything else slip by the wayside.” And that’s when, my a-ha moment hit me – my focus determines whether or not I succeed. I have not been focused on losing weight since October. I have not been focused on exercising since then either, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I have gained a few pounds since then. I haven’t gained a lot – maybe 6 pounds, but I know 6 pounds can turn into 12 pounds very easily, unless I am focused on reducing those original six. For me, it has nothing to do with motivation or will power, it’s all about focus. When I was losing weight so steadily at the end of the summer and beginning of autumn, I was single minded about the kinds of foods I was eating and how much I was walking. Since then, eh not so much, and it’s starting to show. Also gone is my weekly weigh in with the Nurse Nazi – that was very motivating! I think to replace that, I will start posting my weight here for you all to see. Probably not the actual number, but I’ll post what Mary Lou says on a certain day of the week, let’s say Wednesdays (so don’t let me forget!). When I got The Platform I recorded my starting weight the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend, so of course it was higher than normal, but I got to 8.5 pounds below my starting weight, which is I think what my normal weight really is (around 153). This morning Mary Lou said I was only 2 pounds below my starting weight, which would put me at about 160 approx. I know I can get it back down fairly quickly just by getting on the treadmill and drinking lots of water (duh), so I’m not worried yet. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes.

And speaking of the treadmill, my poor motorized friend is feeling neglected lately, so I am going to make a pact with you all that I will walk for 30 minutes tonight at 5pm CST. (I was going to add at least 4 times this week, but let’s take it one day at a time, shall we?) Here’s what I need from you all – I need a consequence to face if I don’t walk. Yeah, yeah, I know the obvious ones – lack of energy, tighter pants, etc; but what I want is something like push ups or scrubbing the toilet or some unfun thing. So fire away and hit me with your best shot – I need to know there will be unpleasantness in my future if I don’t abide by the pact. Desperate times call for desperate measures, people!

I am also considering logging my food into an online journal. Seeing what I eat in print may be enough shock to make me leave Candy Land, but logging food tends to bring The Crazy out in me, so I don’t know. Maybe I should just start with an old fashioned notebook and just record the foods (and not their calories and nutritional content)? Still mulling this one over – may have to mull a little longer. What do you think?

(Abrupt subject change in 3…2…1) And speaking of cooking (what? Weren’t we?) I made the best pita pizza last night for dinner. I had a multigrain pita with marinara sauce, mozzarella cheese, turkey pepperoni, black olives and mushrooms. Oh Sweet Gouda it was so good! I may have to have another one tonight. I think one thing that will make me a better cook is to have a stocked pantry – it’s really hard to cook when all you have is a can of peaches and one can of tomato paste in the cabinet. It has never occurred to me to buy ingredients, I just usually buy prepackaged or pre-made foods, but I know that’s not good to rely on those things so much, so I went to the store last night and bought a few things like chicken and beef broth, cream of mushroom soup, olive oil, canned beans- just a few things to get started. I hope to add to these things again this weekend so that I’ll have enough ingredients on hand when I find a recipe I want to try. Anyone have any other ingredients that you can’t live without?

That’s all I got – have a good day gang!! 

ETA – I did it!!  I got on the treadmill for 42 minutes – woo!  Sorry Laura, I’ll never tell my most embarrassing secret!!!