Focus, Jill, Focus! December 30, 2008

I am eating the biggest, sweetest, juiciest orange right now – yum! (That has nothing to do with today’s topic, but a good sweet orange is one small thing that makes me really happy!)So much to blog about but having trouble getting my thoughts in order, which incidentally is what I want to blog about: Focus, or lack thereof.

I don’t remember why the thought popped into my head, but I just remember thinking a couple of days ago, “I’ve been so focused on Christmas and all it’s preparations that I have let everything else slip by the wayside.” And that’s when, my a-ha moment hit me – my focus determines whether or not I succeed. I have not been focused on losing weight since October. I have not been focused on exercising since then either, so it shouldn’t come as any surprise that I have gained a few pounds since then. I haven’t gained a lot – maybe 6 pounds, but I know 6 pounds can turn into 12 pounds very easily, unless I am focused on reducing those original six. For me, it has nothing to do with motivation or will power, it’s all about focus. When I was losing weight so steadily at the end of the summer and beginning of autumn, I was single minded about the kinds of foods I was eating and how much I was walking. Since then, eh not so much, and it’s starting to show. Also gone is my weekly weigh in with the Nurse Nazi – that was very motivating! I think to replace that, I will start posting my weight here for you all to see. Probably not the actual number, but I’ll post what Mary Lou says on a certain day of the week, let’s say Wednesdays (so don’t let me forget!). When I got The Platform I recorded my starting weight the Monday after Thanksgiving weekend, so of course it was higher than normal, but I got to 8.5 pounds below my starting weight, which is I think what my normal weight really is (around 153). This morning Mary Lou said I was only 2 pounds below my starting weight, which would put me at about 160 approx. I know I can get it back down fairly quickly just by getting on the treadmill and drinking lots of water (duh), so I’m not worried yet. We’ll see how the rest of the week goes.

And speaking of the treadmill, my poor motorized friend is feeling neglected lately, so I am going to make a pact with you all that I will walk for 30 minutes tonight at 5pm CST. (I was going to add at least 4 times this week, but let’s take it one day at a time, shall we?) Here’s what I need from you all – I need a consequence to face if I don’t walk. Yeah, yeah, I know the obvious ones – lack of energy, tighter pants, etc; but what I want is something like push ups or scrubbing the toilet or some unfun thing. So fire away and hit me with your best shot – I need to know there will be unpleasantness in my future if I don’t abide by the pact. Desperate times call for desperate measures, people!

I am also considering logging my food into an online journal. Seeing what I eat in print may be enough shock to make me leave Candy Land, but logging food tends to bring The Crazy out in me, so I don’t know. Maybe I should just start with an old fashioned notebook and just record the foods (and not their calories and nutritional content)? Still mulling this one over – may have to mull a little longer. What do you think?

(Abrupt subject change in 3…2…1) And speaking of cooking (what? Weren’t we?) I made the best pita pizza last night for dinner. I had a multigrain pita with marinara sauce, mozzarella cheese, turkey pepperoni, black olives and mushrooms. Oh Sweet Gouda it was so good! I may have to have another one tonight. I think one thing that will make me a better cook is to have a stocked pantry – it’s really hard to cook when all you have is a can of peaches and one can of tomato paste in the cabinet. It has never occurred to me to buy ingredients, I just usually buy prepackaged or pre-made foods, but I know that’s not good to rely on those things so much, so I went to the store last night and bought a few things like chicken and beef broth, cream of mushroom soup, olive oil, canned beans- just a few things to get started. I hope to add to these things again this weekend so that I’ll have enough ingredients on hand when I find a recipe I want to try. Anyone have any other ingredients that you can’t live without?

That’s all I got – have a good day gang!! 

ETA – I did it!!  I got on the treadmill for 42 minutes – woo!  Sorry Laura, I’ll never tell my most embarrassing secret!!! 

Reward May 16, 2008

Sorry for the lack of postings lately – work has been crazy and life has been even crazier.  I have a post about accountability rolling around in my brain, just no time to put words to keyboard.  Here’s a question for you that I have been thinking about lately – do you use food as a reward?  I know the current wisdom is to say never never ever use food as a reward, but I like food, and I like to be rewarded, so is a weekly splurge after weigh in a boon or a bust?  I would loooove to know everyone’s thoughts on this one – should make for some interesting discussions!  And if you do use food as a reward, what kind of food?  Do you go for chocolate or ice cream, or chocolate ice cream?  How about alcohol – do you use a glass of wine as a reward (my preference would be a margarita, but that’s just me).  All you lurkers out there, now is the time to make your voice heard on this oh-so-very important issue!  And I promise to deliver a real post next week when things have slowed down a bit (I hope). 

 

Have a great weekend y’all!! 

 

Is it Friday yet? It is? THANK GOODNESS!! April 25, 2008

Oh Friday, how I have yearned for you for four days and now you are here!! Even better than that, you are Friday AFTERNOON which means that at 3:30, I will be the happiest I have been all week. I love you Friday, you’re my favorite!!

Ugh, this has been a week!! A week from the depths of Hades. I’ve been sleep deprived, depressed, stressed, sad, and now finally FINALLY there is light at the end of the tunnel. I think I need to celebrate with a manicure.

I have decided that for now, at least, I will not quit the challenge. I dug my pedometer out of my underwear drawer – the place where I keep all things that I might need someday, along with many many baby teeth that the tooth fairy has collected over the last 11 years.

**TANGENT AHEAD** Why am I keeping these baby teeth? What do I think I will do with them? Make a necklace or something?? Why does it feel sacrilegious to throw them away? These are the questions that keep me up at night, okay well, not really, but I do wonder. **TANGENT OVER**

Anyway, back to the challenge…I’m going to track my steps and take more steps than I think I need and although I certainly don’t expect to catch up to the others, I am going to at least make an effort. I don’t like quitting anything because I already have *fear of failure* issues, and I don’t need to add to them.

Food-wise, Honeycomb cereal has been the death of my diet this week. Damn that sweet-honey goodness!!! If I don’t have a loss next weigh in, I’ll know why. If loving Honeycomb is wrong, I’m not so sure I want to be right.

What I do want, however, is listed below for no other reason than I am feeling the need to list it:

Strappy sandals
A Pedicure to show off feet in said sandals
A really comfy sundress
Really good chocolate (just one piece)
A gathering of my good friends
A margarita
A pool to sit beside at sunset while I sip said margarita
A new ride (the Honda is old, so very very old)
A cuddle with my husband
A really funny movie
New work out clothes
Lots of techno pop music on my mp3
Muscular legs
Really nice perfume
And last but not least, a really comfy downy bed on which I can take a really long nap during a sunny afternoon. Sigh
Have a good weekend friends!

One Eighty November 26, 2007

I’d like to say that I have done a 180 degree turn and am now an uber runner and I eat only whole nutritious foods and have it all together.  But no, sadly that number 180 is the number of pounds currently inhabiting my body.  That’s the number of pounds of fat attached to the muscles of my thighs and butt.  That’s the number of pounds I weighed right after I gave birth to my son nearly 11 YEARS AGO.  It’s the number I never thought I would see again, EVER, yet there it is.  I have gained about 15 pounds since I went to work in January and really for awhile it didn’t bother me that I was gaining because I had finally quit dieting and I felt so free – free to eat all the potatoes and pizza and chocolate I wanted. But now, I don’t feel free at all.  I feel like a prisoner in a body that is hard to move around in, a body whose feet hurt after standing for a couple of hours, a body that huffs and puffs after playing “horsey” with my two year old  on the floor.  My fat jeans are turning into jeans that are a bit snug, and my big baggy sweatshirt doesn’t “bag” like it did a year ago.  Yeah, yeah, I know we just came off of Thanksgiving, but really, 180????  I always told myself that 170 was the cut off number – the number that meant I needed to get off my duff and quick clowning around and get serious, but 180?  What does that number mean?  I know it’s just a number and has no bearing on the kick-ass woman that I am on the inside; I know I’m still one of the “cool kids”, (see how I am trying really hard to pump myself up J ) but I just want to look on the outside how I feel on the inside.  I know I’m Heidi Klum on the inside, but it’s hard to convey that when you have Angela Landsbury staring at you in the mirror!  Okay, I’m only 36, but I feel so matronly–looking, and that’s not the real me.   I have just starting walking/jogging/running and I know it’s going to take time, but I am starting to panic, starting to think that I am going to be this way forever.  I know I’m just a few pounds away from high blood pressure and bad knees (like my mom), so I really want to rein it in now.  First I have to talk myself down off the ledge (not literally) and figure out what I am going to do.  What a crappy Monday.

September 28, 2007

 I was thinking the other day about why it is so easy for some people to lose weight and so hard for me.  Well, if I am going to be totally honest with myself, it is because while I really want to be healthy and slim, I don’t want to do the things that go along with it.  There. I said it.  I don’t want to change my habits.  I like eating sweets and watching movies on the couch for 2 or 3 hours.  I like reading a book all afternoon.  I like to eat casseroles and brownies.  I don’t like to sweat.  I don’t like spending and hour on the treadmill and I don’t want to have to drive 20 minutes to the nearest walking trail.  I live on a dead end street out in the country, and to walk up and down the road is about as boring as being on the treadmill.  I feel clumsy and awkward doing work out DVDs, so I avoid those like the plague.  I don’t want to take diet pills, or go to meetings, or cut out entire food groups.  Yeah, I know I sound like a spoiled brat, digging in my heels and being stubborn to the detriment of no one but myself.  But that’s how I feel. 

So having said that, I still really want to be happy in this body, and that means getting rid of some of this fat.  Actually, I do love this body, just not the fat that covers it.  So what do I do?  I’m not far enough along in my body acceptance journey to just be happy with what I’ve got, and honestly, I don’t think I ever will be as long as I am this out of shape.  How do I motivate myself to make changes that I don’t want to make?  How do I convince my brain that exercising is more fun than say, sitting at the computer and reading blogs for hours?    I’m just curious if there is anyone out there who started out this way, but overcame their own stubborn will and is now a healthy and happy person.  If you are out there, I would love to hear from you, so feel free to offer any advice you’ve got.  Thanks and have a great weekend!